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couples therapy

Couples Therapy in Denver, Boulder, and Across Colorado

Our brains are shaped by our experiences. From early development through adulthood, the brain evolves in an experience-dependent manner. This means that every encounter, whether positive or negative, influences the structural and functional development of our brains. Relationships, in particular, play a crucial role in this developmental process. They not only affect how our brains are wired but also shape our capacity for emotional regulation, stress response, and interpersonal connections. Imagine a house where the roof is your sense of self - you’re able to choose the color, size and shape of the shingles for your roof, but it’s ultimate stability depends on the sturdiness of the structure beneath it. That structure is made up of all your past life and relationship experiences.

a science-backed approach to couples counseling.

If you’ve ever wondered why you have such intense body reactions (racing heart beat, flushed face, stomach churning etc.) in social interactions, that’s because our brains as mammals don’t differentiate between being separated and isolated from other human beings and potentially dying or being in physical danger. This means our bodies have big reactions to overwhelming social and emotional experiences (you may know these reactions as “triggers”), which can undermine our ability to respond to ourselves and others the way we want. At Something Soulful Therapy, I inegrate EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy to deepen emotional understanding and attachment between partners, enhancing the healing potential by focusing on emotional bonds and patterns.

enhance your relationship with couples therapy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples understand their unique relationship “dances” or cycles and improve how they connect emotionally, based on the idea that our early relationships shape how we bond with others. This pairs up with EMDR, a therapy that helps individuals work through and heal from past overwhelming experiences that affect how they see and react to their partners. Together, these approaches offer a more complete way to tackle relationship issues than just learning how to communicate better or change certain behaviors. By focusing on how partners feel about each other while simultaneously healing old wounds, we help you really get where your partner is coming from. This makes working through problems together feel more natural and effective, laying down a strong base for a healthier and happier relationship moving forward.

a personalized path to change.

In my practice, I integrate EMDR and EFT for couples therapy with a deep understanding of attachment, neurobiology, and the dynamics of love and partnership. My goal as a couples therapist is to create a supportive, compassionate space where you can both explore your vulnerabilities, repair from past wounds (individual and in the relationship), and emerge stronger, more connected, and more prepared to face life's challenges together.

Combining EMDR therapy with EFT for relationships is about more than just resolving conflicts; it's about understanding and healing from the underlying issues (individual and interpersonal) that cause them. By focusing on these deeper emotional blocks, we pave the way for a stronger, more connected relationship. It's about getting to the heart of what's been holding you back, allowing for a level of empathy and connection you might not have thought possible.

COMMON ISSUES EMDR THERAPY ADDRESSES FOR COUPLES

Intimacy Issues

Issues around intimacy are often symptoms of deeper, unaddressed emotional blocks or past traumas. Through EMDR, couples can explore and process these underlying issues, leading to a renewed sense of closeness and connection.

Impact of External Stressors

Stress from work, family, or financial pressures can spill over into relationships, creating tension and conflict. EMDR helps couples identify and reduce the distress associated with these pressures, reducing the impact they are having on the relationship and promoting resilience and understanding.

Repetitive Arguments

Many couples find themselves stuck in negative communication patterns, where misunderstandings and frustrations build walls between them. EMDR therapy helps couples break free from their unique cycle (or “dance”) of repetitive arguments by addressing the root emotional triggers, enabling them to resolve conflicts in a healthier, more constructive manner.

Parenting Challenges

Differing parenting styles and disagreements about child-rearing can strain a couple's relationship. EMDR therapy allows parents to explore their own childhood experiences and how these influence their parenting approaches, resolving emotional triggers that prevent parents from showing up in values-aligned ways. This work in the context of couples therapy also serves to increase understand and empathy between partners, fostering a more unified parenting strategy.

Trust & Infidelity

Breaches of trust, including infidelity, can deeply wound a relationship. EMDR therapy aids in processing the pain and betrayal, facilitating a pathway to forgiveness and repair.

Navigating Life Transitions

Major life changes, such as moving, career changes, or the loss of a loved one, can disrupt a couple's equilibrium. EMDR therapy supports couples in processing these transitions and serving as resources for each other, minimizing their disruptive impact on the relationship.

we’ll start where you are.

Our first step together involves a deep dive into the narrative of your relationship, identifying both the strengths and the challenges you face. This comprehensive assessment typically takes place over multiple sessions and lays the groundwork for a customized therapy plan, emphasizing the importance of your shared goals and the unique dynamics of your partnership. This assessment will help us better understand your unique relationship cycles and each of your nervous system’s strategies for protecting you from vulnerability and pain.

After this initial assessment, we will move into preparation work - the focus here is on building a secure and trusting therapeutic environment and relationship with me. You'll learn coping mechanisms and grounding techniques, not just as individuals but as partners supporting each other. This preparation is also about understanding the mutual role you play in each other's healing journey. Under my guidance, you will practice using physical gestures of support, like shoulder or knee tapping, to provide bilateral stimulation for each other, reinforcing the bond and the sense of safety within your relationship.

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HOW IT WORKS

we’ll take it one step at a time.

Using bilateral stimulation techniques (eye movements, auditory, and/or tactile), we address and resolve the emotional intensity associated with targeted memories, present issues, or future-based concerns. This approach not only aids in reducing distress but also enhances the sense of partnership, with each partner serving as a vital resource for the one actively reprocessing. Depending on the nature of the individual work and the level of safety currently experienced in the relationship, some desensitization sessions may be conducted separately. 

With a foundation of reduced emotional distress and a heightened sense of physical and emotional safety, we then focus on reinforcing positive beliefs and experiences. This phase is particularly unique for couples, as we work to install positive memories and associations between you, leveraging the strength of your relationship as a resource for healing and deepening connection. The positive experiences installed can include shared moments of joy, resilience, and mutual support, further solidifying the bond between you.

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we’ll make sure we’re on the right track.

The therapy process is dynamic, with ongoing conversations to gauge progress and adjust our focus as needed. This continuous dialogue ensures that the therapy evolves in response to your growing insights and changing dynamics as a couple. Future planning will involve strategies to maintain and build upon the gains achieved, empowering you with tools (like communication and behavior strategies) to nurture your relationship's growth beyond therapy.

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celebrating diversity in relationships.

As a relationship therapist, every connection in my practice is celebrated for its own story and identity. Whether you're LGBTQ+, in a polyamorous relationship, navigating cultural differences, or anything else that makes your partnership what it is, you're welcome here. I get that everyone's journey is different, and that's exactly what makes my job so rewarding.

EFT and EMDR therapy is flexible and adaptable, designed to meet you right where you are, respecting the individuality and diversity of your relationship. Together, we will create a supportive space where you can both grow and heal together, no matter what your love looks like or how it's defined. Let's honor what makes you, you!

BENEFITS OF EMDR THERAPY IN RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING

Deepened Emotional Connection

Through the targeted processing of past traumas and emotional blocks, couples often experience a significant deepening of their emotional connection. EMDR helps remove the barriers that prevent vulnerability and empathy, allowing partners to understand and connect with each other on a much deeper level.

Increased Resilience to Stress

Couples who undergo EMDR therapy often report increased resilience to external stressors. By strengthening the emotional bond and improving communication, couples are better able to support each other and navigate life's challenges together, minimizing the impact of stress on the relationship.

Improved Communication

By addressing the root causes of communication breakdowns, EMDR therapy facilitates more open, honest, and effective communication between partners. As emotional triggers are desensitized, and positive experiences are installed, couples find it easier to express their needs, listen actively, and respond with empathy.

Renewed Intimacy & Trust

The process of mutual healing and understanding fostered by EMDR therapy can lead to a significant renewal of intimacy and trust. As barriers are broken down and positive experiences are shared, couples often find a renewed sense of closeness and security in their relationship.

Resolution of Past Traumas

One of the most powerful aspects of EMDR therapy is its ability to help individuals process and move past traumatic (aka overwhelming) experiences that have been influencing their relationship dynamics. This healing not only benefits the individual but also removes a significant source of tension and misunderstanding within the relationship.

Empowerment & Personal Growth

EMDR therapy not only benefits the relationship but also promotes personal growth and empowerment for each partner. By working through individual traumas and challenges, each person emerges stronger and more self-aware, contributing to a healthier and more dynamic relationship.

you’ve got questions. I’ve got answers.

  • EMDR therapy dives deeper than traditional talk therapy or EFT alone by addressing the root causes of relationship issues—unprocessed memories and emotional wounds. It's not just about learning communication skills or conflict resolution; it's about healing the underlying experiences and beliefs that influence your relationship dynamics, leading to more profound and lasting changes in your relationship.

  • Yes, and it's important to note that when we talk about trauma in EMDR, we're looking at a broad spectrum of experiences. Trauma isn't limited to major incidents like accidents or losses; it also includes any experience that overwhelmed your brain at the time, perhaps due to feeling alone or unsupported. This could be ongoing societal pressures, feelings of exclusion, or even unmet needs over time—situations that gradually wore you down. These experiences may not always be recognized as "traumatic" but can significantly impact one's mental and relational health by creating stuck points in how we process emotions and relate to others. EMDR therapy helps access and process these experiences, whether one or both partners have faced them, promoting healing and improving the relationship dynamic by addressing the deep-seated issues that affect how partners interact and support each other.

  • The duration of this therapy varies widely among couples, depending on the complexity of the issues and the depth of the traumas being addressed. Some couples begin to see improvements within a few sessions of beginning the desensitization phase, while others may need more time to work through deeper issues. Healing is a personal journey, and I'm committed to supporting you at a pace that respects and responds to your individual and collective needs.

  • While the primary focus of EMDR therapy is processing emotional and traumatic memories, improving communication is often a natural outcome. As both partners begin to heal from past wounds, you'll likely find it easier to express your needs and feelings and to listen to each other with greater empathy and understanding. Additionally, I integrate communication skill-building using a Gottman Method lens into our sessions, ensuring these skills are more effective and deeply rooted as a result of your newfound understanding of each other.

  • Yes, emotional safety is a cornerstone of EMDR therapy. The process includes establishing coping strategies and grounding techniques early on to ensure both partners feel secure throughout the therapy journey. Exploring emotional and traumatic memories or sensations can be challenging, but my role is to guide you through each step with care and support, ensuring the therapy environment remains a safe space for both of you to heal and grow together.

  • All appointments are remote via a confidential video link. Being in familiar surroundings can enhance comfort and help you feel more at ease during our sessions. I encourage you to show up in whatever ways help you feel most at ease- with a warm cup of tea, in your favorite sweatpants, or wrapped up in your coziest blanket.

    Online appointments also mean increased convenience and flexibility - join a session in the evening after the kids are asleep, from your car on your cellphone before school pickup, or even at work on your lunch break.

  • $200 / 55 minute session

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ready for therapy or coaching in Colorado?

Something Soulful offers EMDR therapy, EMDR therapy for couples, couples therapy, parent coaching, maternal mental health support and more in Denver, Boulder, Colorado Springs and across Colorado.